_letter_to god_3_

dear god,

let me go to hell..plz...i don't what to hurt u again..plz.let me die...

from u daughter..

_in_my_mind_

damm..my head is going to explode...i can think strange..it like devil and angel a battling in  my head...i can choose.. wader to let the angel win or just let it loose... u guy must think i'm crazy or to much time to think about this...in fact i got no time...i have to think a lot of think thing and do a lot of thing...i feel like unclean to send prayer... i can't say much..do u guy ever feel this way..how u guy go through this...do u guy think i should quit praying..
FYI i just want to up date u guy about my life..i'm still finding for thing to study...and i will be finding for work..i have to help my parent... my brother is a mess... that all it think..so to be continue..

_my_so_call_elder_brother_

I know u may not be able to read this... But still I want to write it before I forget about u... do u remember the first time me chat??I also can’t remember...It’s been 2 years already... the only thing I remember is I add u first in FACEBOOK... And u accepted it...I was so happy that time... and we started chatting... Send message to each other... YA... I add u because I’m attracted to u... and I know that u where at that time studying in Sabah... u always give me advise and cheering me up when I’m down... like a elder brother... I remember that we only send message to each one in the blue moon... but still I feel the connection between us... then days become month and month become year... And we swap our number... It is easier for us to contact each other that way... I remember that I’m the type of girls that never contact or send message to a guy first... I can’t remember who start send message... then we lost contact for 6 month... I think... I’m not that sure... by the way... when I was back in Sabah... we started sending message again... then after that u ask me out... I remember u say that u are bored that time... and I really2 wanted to go out with u... but I can’t... I so scared to ask my parent for permission... so the first time u asks me out I say “ I can’t... maybe next time and let it be me to ask u out... how about Sunday or Saturday? Are u free that time??” and u say sure... then Saturday come and I call u then we go out... at that time my mind was not there... I was so scared and keep on think about my parent... so I can see that u are bored going out with me... I’m so sorry for that... the first time we go out... u brings me with your car... it was MYVI and it was black in colour... I was so shock... and we wanted to Mega Long... at that time I was so shy...infect very2 shy... I can’t even see your face... HaHaHa... that was so stupid of me... then we want to see movie “the real still” and the movie was great... I remember that the time we were waiting for the lift and u we looking at me... and OMG!!! I can’t cover it already then I say “don’t look at me that way... I’m a very2 shy person” so u just looks at different was and u say “u look so young...What is your age again?” I reply “20” ... then after that movie end we go and eat at the Kampung nelayan near my house... the we chat... it was so fun talk to u... I can feel that my shyness level was down a little... then u send me home... after a while... I my head was so full of question... I didn’t u send me a message... with a brave heart I send u a message in facebook... demanding for answer then u reply “I don’t to bother” it was not a good reason and I know that u are not interested at me... so that’s find... then the second time we go out we when to centre point and we play token... I was funny to see u play... i remember u say that u feel like a childish when I whole your hand... then reason why i whole your hand is because u always walk faster than me... and people we bumping me... i hate it... then i let go of your hand... then the time we go out again the 3 time... that time i feel something in my heart maybe i start to like u... but my head say don’t...then again the 4 time we go out... I follow u to a car was and we want to get your clothe which is your cousin house.. at that time i was so shy in front of your cousin but because your cousin is so friendly and easy to talk to... it become lest weird and me and your cousin chit chat..It was so fun... i like your cousin so much... then we when to meet with your friend... it was so boring... i just sit there... but still i have fun... then the day end... you send me back home... i was so sad that time... we didn’t talk the whole journey... it feel like it the end of us... i really hope we can go out again... just make sure that i never feel like that again... 

_the_type_of_guys_

u may wander y did i post this..my point it to fasten the rate of dating guys.. I'm the type of girl that know what i want..but i may  compromise or change my mind of the type of guys i would like to date..this list is the true list from my mind plus my heart..there are no covering here..so let start..

if u do think of dating me..u must..

1. lower ur ego..(i will choose my man over my own ego)
2. willing to manja me..(i'm very2 manja person)
3. be honest to me..(even if u are seeing other girls..I'll be understanding)
4. don't be selfish..(i will choose my man over my self)
5. care for me..(i'm a very2 caring person)
6. try ur best to be there when i needed u..(i will do the same)
7. willing to give me advise..(some time i will ask my man for advise)
8. don't every2 be stingy..(I'm not a stingy person)
9. don't try to change me..(i believe that if u do..u will only change ur self)
10. can stand my childishness..(i'm a childish person)
11. willing to sacrifice for me..(i will do the same)
12. willing to hear me..(i'm very2 god listener)
13. prefer working guys..or studying..(just bee sure when i finish my study my man also the same)
14. tall then me..(which is 150cm above)
15. older the me..(range my age to 8 year older then me)
16. wise person..(just don't give a stupid advise)
17. good looking..(not that much just nice to look at)
18. clean person..(clean from drugs n never every when to jail)
19. same religion..(it is more easy to see the future)
20. willing to talk over any thing..(i hate fighting will my man)

this will be change in time..the more important of all is just be ur self..then love me day by day..:)